Charity Diane Benoit

There was a time when the only thing you had to worry about was getting grounded, if you refused cleaning up your room, or not brushing your teeth before bed. A time where you had so many friends you would need more fingers to count them all. Then, was when life seemed easier,when all the worry, stress, and responsibility fell on the parents. The time when something so small seemed to make you feel as if your whole world had been crushed. But little did you know that later in life you would soon come to realize that the days back then were something to hold on to. A time to cherish. Days that were actually easier. Now is when the reality of life hits you every single day, through the life that you live. There are so many that tend to find themselves nowhere close, now, to where they dreamed of being then. Things happen, plans change, people come and go throughout your life and NOTHING is ever the same.

I look at my life now and there are many things that I wish I could change or possibly add. I wanted to become so many different things in life, had so many different goals and dreams. My interest tended to fall upon the medical field mostly and thats to say because I was “blessed” with a “sick” childhood. One that caused me to be “babied” or “sheltered” to an extent. Never got into trouble, was never MADE to do anything, told to but not made.My brother and sister resented me and seemed like they hated me,but now things are different. Do you ever look back and think now about how things are going and just want to beat yourself up because you feel so ashamed to say that you have accomplished absolutely nothing in life, or nothing worth feeling that way about?

My boyfriend always says that its the parents parenting that turns a child into the adult they become. I’m starting to believe that to a certain point. My mother coddled me my whole childhood life and she still does it now. I do admit that I may have been fragile but I think it messed me up mentally. I just absolutely do not want to do things. I feel the need to be pushed. Feeling that scaredness (my own word) making it so hard to do things on my own at times. It took me years after graduation to even take the step of independence, even after having two children and having the mom stamp placed on myself.

Often I look back to then thinking what if, ya know, just what if I grew up being normal would I be someone successful now? Would I have followed my dream of being in the military? Then I think, but if so, would I be a different person than I am now? Loving, caring, sweet, shy, simi innocent. Would I have rebelled so much against my parents? Become hateful, mean, or even an alcoholic like my aunt? I feel like God blessed me with my childhood so I could be the woman I am now. I struggle like the rest, but I thank God everyday for what I have and that even though my budget is so thin, I can still provide a roof over my kids heads and food in their tummies.

I’m often faced with trials and circumstance that make me feel like I’m a terrible mother. Issues that make me question my actions, even though every step I take is a secure one. I want more than the best for my children but I try to teach them to be thankful for what they are blessed to have. Know that there are others out there that have nothing close to what they have.  I hope my children grow up to see what being a mother has taught me…the understanding of what my mother went through to raise three kids on her own. Working a full time job and thanking God that  she didn’t lose it when she had to take off so many time to take care of a sick child.  One thing that I respect and love about my mother and the life I was raised in, is that she taught me how to be a great mother, wife, and friend. Although I was always scared to take the step toward independence, my mother taught me back then, how to grab a hold of life and be the woman I am now. Strength, Faith, and lots of LOVE!